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Guilty: Part 1

Oops, did I do that?

We are all guilty of something at some point it seems. In my case, it was drinking and driving. Not my finest of decisions. Unfortunately, I do not remember much from that night. Everything seems blurred together and vague.

I recall being at the end of my street when I saw the lights come on behind me. Panic ran through my body like a volt of electricity. Meanwhile, sitting in my cup holder sat an open container. As the state trooper approached me I tried to squish my open beer can underneath my seat best I could.

Says he stopped me because I was speeding, but then quickly asked me how much I have had to drink, as he could smell the alcohol on my breath. Can't say I remember the entire encounter, but I failed the field sobriety tests he gave me and I refused a breathalyzer.

After being handcuffed and watching my car get towed, I was then taken to the station for further questioning. Three hours later I was released and driven home. I know I was still drunk as I ping-ponged back and forth between the two tightly placed trailers I had to walk past to get to my front door.

One month later I received a letter in the mail stating that my license would be suspended after July 7 (two months after I was pulled over).

Four more months later I finally get my court date in the mail, which actually will be held tomorrow early afternoon. A part of me just wants to get this over with and put it behind me, the other half is scared shitless. I am so nervous, all these months of waiting around for my paperwork on the matter has been such a dreadful feeling.

Trying to keep my DUI on the down-low around my friends and family has not been easy. A lot of the times I kind of just want to confide in someone. The other part of me says everyone is too damn judgmental, unfortunately. On top of all that I still have my mail sent to my parents' house, and my mother is extremely nosy. I say this as lovingly as possible, but the woman can't mind her own business. I know for a fact she will be disappointed, I mean, what parent wouldn't be right? It's not like I came home with a bad report card now.

My mother lost her father when she was three to a drunk driver, and she has married two alcoholics in her life. She doesn't have tolerance for that kind of nonsense. Disappointing her might be an understatement. Who knows, maybe she doesn't have to know. Although with my mail being sent to her home, I am skeptical of her finding out.

Lawyers are too expensive, even after my free consultation with one I couldn't afford to pay them $1500. I possibly could be fined up to $5,000 -$10,000, so adding another $1500? Yeah, right.

I live in a mobile-home park. And haven't had transportation in five months. Shortly after my ticket, I was in a car accident. Totally not even my fault, and luckily no one was injured. I was Sunday driving in town going 25 miles per hour, when this suburban comes flying out of a Buzz Inn parking lot and smashes into my front end. I bought a new car but I never learned to drive five speed. My husband was teaching me until our clutch went out. Mechanic says it will cost $1200 to fix.

Selfishly I have been asking too many favors from family and friends when it comes to needing a ride.

Money is extremely tight as I keep mentioning. My husband injured himself over summer and wasn't able to work for a month and a half. Now that he is back to work he found out his wages are being garnished. It seems like we can't catch a break.

My first court date is tomorrow I am not sure how I am going to get there. A friend of mine has had a DUI as well, so I've been getting information on some stuff from him. He told me since I don't have a lawyer, I will have to get a public defender, which turns out is going to cost me $500.

My friend also informed me they will go over any dash and body cam the cop had. So that has me pretty nervous as well. Not sure what my charges will be, not sure if I am going to spin them a story or fess up to being guilty.

I think as humans we sometimes forget how lucky we have it, and just what all we take for granted daily. We are living with a generation of lazy Americans who get away with an awful lot of crap these days. We forget our actions have consequences. I fear those very consequences. The bigger question is, "What did we learn?" and "Are we going to do that again?"

Follow me through my journey of surviving adulthood. Updates on my court, charges and future jail time will be posted soon.