Craziest Murder Defenses That Actually Worked

Ever wondered how some people can just get away with causing trouble like it was nothing? There's always that one brat from our childhood that seemed he or she could never do wrong, yet when unscrutinized he/she would become a demon. Of course, they never got in trouble, but you always knew: one day. Maybe it was a sibling, or a really close friend of yours. Eventually they'd get caught and their given excuses were some of the most extraordinary pieces of BS you had ever heard. And yet, they'd still get off scotch free.

Not anymore. Like Dennis Rader says in creepy quotes from serial killers, "The floppy (disk) did me in." Herein lies the craziest murder defenses that actually worked, and almost all of them are guaranteed to make you laugh in hysteria, cry only just a little, and grit your teeth in anger at the ignorance and laziness that fill these stories. These people take the cake when it comes to engineering some of the most daunting stories and defense pleas, but to actually make them work? That's utterly priceless. Arrested and charged, here are the craziest murder defenses

Homicidal Somnambulism

Somnambulism, if you didn't know, is another word for sleepwalking. In this 1982 case from Scottsdale, Arizona, Steven Steinberg blames his fit of sleepwalking on the night of his wife's murder after investigators had proved there was no sign of intrusion or break in.

Mrs. Steinberg had been stabbed 26 times in her sleep, but her husband had no recollection of the events. The trial soon became a media frenzy when he claimed temporary insanity on the account that his wife drove him into intermittent dissociative states, under which state he murdered her. Ruled sane as of his acquittal, Steven Steinberg walked out of court a free man after utilizing one of the craziest murder defenses.

Jealousy Defense

Former United States senator and congressman, Daniel Sickles, is actually among the first few people to ever use one of the craziest murder defenses. Phillip Barton Key II, who incidentally is the son of Francis Scott Key, writer of the star spangled banner, would be gunned down in the street by Sickles for having sexual relations with his wife.

His trial's defense took an unsuspecting turn of events when announcing temporary insanity, which was the first of its kind at the time, claiming that he only intended avenging the dignity of his wife. Now, despite the fact that Sickles had also been cheating, he went on to become a hero of women's innocence. How noble.

Sheltered Wealth Defense

The trouble with kids these days is that they just don't know the pre-tech struggle that consisted of non-internet access, no instant communication, and the joy of loving what you already have, instead of lusting for more and more. When it comes to the craziest murder defenses, you'd be surprised to find out that being too sheltered and wealthy could actually get you acquitted.

As is the case for Ethan Couch, who pleaded not guilty for reasons of "affluenza," more accurately a combination of affluence and influenza. His defense team stated that his family had been so wealthy and sheltering that Couch effectively didn't know right from wrong. He had been drunk driving on a suspended license and ran over four people with his truck, but the judge accepted his defense claims and sentenced him to ten years probation.

Christine Defense

Despite not drinking a sip of alcohol nor showing any signs of being temporarily insane, Koua Fong Lee was convicted of vehicular manslaughter for eight years in prison after his Toyota crashed into the back of a vehicle, killing three people. Lee's case would go on to be considered the Christine defense, after the Stephen King book in which an evil car gains sentience.

Convinced the car was acting on its own accord, Lee swore to the court that his car brakes had malfunctioned. He claimed that no matter how hard he pressed on the brakes, the car wouldn't stop, and he effectively lost control. Even though his pregnant wife, children, and in-laws were all in the car at the time, and had backed up his story in court, Lee wouldn't be released until two years after conviction, at which point Toyota customers had been raising suits against the car company for some time.

Glove Doesn't Fit Defense

This is probably one of the most infamous US murder trials that was also guaranteed to be among the craziest murder defenses in history. The stabbing of Nicole Brown and friend, Ronald Goldman, led to the public trial of a lifetime, which brought race, NFL players, celebrities, and 90s pop culture into one heated debate.

OJ Simpson's attorney, Johnny Cochrane, is the unlikely star for this trial of the century. To educate the jury on his client's innocence, Cochrane used a host of different methods to steer the jury's attention away from the main issue. The pinnacle of these misinformations was when Cochrane had Simpson try on the bloody glove that had been found at the murder scene. Upon realizing that the glove was much too small for Simpson's hand, Cochrane bellowed a line that would be played out for years to come:

"If it doesn't fit, you must acquit."

Taxi Driver Defense

The trial of John W. Hinckley, Jr. is certainly noteworthy, to say the least, but it also involves one of the craziest murder defenses, now known as the Taxi Driver defense after the 1976 film. Hinckley's obsession with the movie and its young star, Jodie Foster, grew into mental destabilization, in which he began to stalk the actress.

After countless failed attempts at trying to get her attention, from signing up for the same classes as her and calling Foster on her phone, Hinckley decided enough was enough. He took the Travis Bickle approach and shot President Ronald Reagan in 1981. In his court proceedings, Hinckley's defense attorney claimed the movie Taxi Driver, one of the defendant's favorites, had every bit of reason for his activities. The court was even shown the entire movie, and the jury no sooner acquitted him after a team of psychiatrists backed up his claims.

Gay Panic Defense

Oddly coined "gay panic defense" to justify a straight person's self-defense against a pushy and aggressive homosexual's advances, this addition to the craziest murder defenses shows how even one's sexuality can be brought into the mix of a court proceeding.

The defense attorney of Joseph Biedermann claimed his client was protecting himself against a sword-wielding homosexual, Terrance Hauser, who was found with 61 stab wounds. While this number may seem excessive for self-defense, the jury still acquitted Biedermann.

PMS Defense

Jan Painter's claim to the Liverpool jury was that her husband had stolen money from her purse, which irritated her exponentially worse than normal, since it was "that time of the month." They acquitted her of stabbing her husband to death and soon initiated the premenstrual syndrome defense.

Henceforth, PMS became one of the craziest murder defenses, and would even be used by one drunk driver in Virginia to showcase how PMS can effect behavior more so than even alcohol. Lesson learned: be very nice to your significant other when she's having a rough week.

Twinkie Defense

Harvey Milk and San Francisco Mayor George Moscone were assassinated at City Hall in 1978 by a man named Dan White. Amid the trial, White's defense attorney chose to argue depression. This, he claimed, was brought on by a change in diet, which directly affected White's capabilities of preforming premeditated murder.

The Twinkie defense wouldn't be one of the craziest murder defenses if it didn't actually work. White, of course, got off with a seven-year sentence for voluntary manslaughter, which would later lead to the White Night Riots, wherein gay rights activists began tearing San Francisco into a war zone.

Oral Sex Defense

After the death of Republican campaign manager Neil Esposito occurred in a brutal car accident, his girlfriend, Heather Specyalski, was immediately put on trial for manslaughter. The state fervently believed that Specyalski was driving the vehicle, but she denied it. Her defense? She was practicing the art of oral sex on her boyfriend.

This was such an unprecedented court event that the government even objected to her claiming such a defense. Despite that, Judge Robert L. Holzberg allowed her to proceed on the ruling that every defendant had a right to defend their innocence, no matter how brash or unbecoming the excuse. When questioned in trial, paramedics informed the court that Esposito's body had, in fact, been found with his pants down, thus installing one of the craziest murder defenses into history.

Matrix Defense

Instead of being locked away in one of the most violent prisons in the world, this woman believed she was already a prisoner of The Matrix. Tonda Lynn Ansley shot and killed her landlady for this reason, as she would later tell the police upon arrest:

"They kill a lot of people in The Matrix."

Claiming that her landlady had been trying to brainwash and kill her, Ansley pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity, which the jury bought. Eventually deemed "The Matrix defense," her trial would spark countless more in the proceeding years that followed and became known as one of the craziest murder cases. Maybe we actually are in the Matrix...